How to love like a baker

Romans 12:9- Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

This verse really stuck out to me. Its a simple way of explaining something as complex as love. As a culture we have adopted love as a feeling you get when you are experiencing something good in your life. I agree that something good in your life produces the feeling of being loved but I don’t think that’s sincere love. Lets discuss with a food analogy.

I love chocolate chip cookies! More specifically, I like them when they are still warm from the oven. A bit crispy on the edges and barely baked through so it’s soft and chewy. Large chunks of dark chocolate. Preferably made with brown butter for that nutty sub flavor. Topped with a nice sized pinch of Maldon sea salt. A cookie like this can completely change my mood if I am feeling a bit of the blues.

So obviously, I love chocolate chip cookies. But do I? Say you swapped out the dark chocolate for a cheap milk chocolate and you got the flour to fat ratio off resulting in a dry crumbly texture? Someone else might love that, but I surely don’t. I would rather throw that cookie away than eat it. That “love” is based on the cookie being everything I want it to be when I am wanting to enjoy it, which then gives me a feeling of happiness and joy. I hate to break it to you but that isn’t love, that’s a mix of feelings that we confuse for love.

Sincere love is being a baker that works every day to produce the best cookies they can. In return they get feelings of happiness and joy by way of serving others. Its a process that they aim to do their best at every time they walk in the door. They learn over time what evil things not to do, like add 6 tablespoons of cayenne to the recipe, and cling on to what is good. Like chilling the dough for twenty minutes before baking or sifting the flour. They continue to show up, using the knowledge they have learned, that produces the best results for something outside of themselves. Even on days when they don’t feel like it. Its a daily decision to give what they have to offer. They don’t expect that the cookie makes them feel loved. They love the cookie by putting effort into it. That my friends, is sincere love, we need more of that.

Unconditional Love

These last couple weeks have been transformative to my worldview. I’ve been going to Church weekly and reading the Bible daily. I have to admit, I wish I would have done this sooner. I’ve been Spiritual these last couple years and it does not compare to learning from the scripture. Tales that have repeated for thousands of years.

The lesson that stands out to me most is that Jesus knew Judas was about to betray him. He knew what his fate was and the pain he was about to endure. And yet he greets him with a kiss and continues to serve Judas. That right there is Godly. That is purpose bigger than oneself. I’ve been marinating on this all week and have some thoughts.

Much like Jesus I have known that certain people were going to or actively betraying me. I also know this will happen again with others in the future. There is no getting around it, no matter how well you protect yourself. In the past I have begged, pleaded and confronted those that have betrayed me. Only to find that the more I asked for mercy the more they punished me or pretended that it wasn’t even happening. At the time it felt like my entire world was falling apart. That I was loosing touch with reality.

As I have grown closer to God I have realized that all of it was in his plan. He had to do that, to show me the way back home. He had to take everything from me so that I would lean into him and trust in his plan. This week has really changed a lot in me. I no longer fear abandonment. I no longer fear being hurt or let down by others. Its a part of life that I have been taking to personally. I’m sure that there is more pain in my future, and I am also sure that I can make it through anything as long as I keep walking with God. My belief is that I will love others no matter what. I will hold a safe and inviting space for them even if its to my detriment. Even when it hurts and they have wronged me. I will continue to love and serve those around me. If they want to leave I will let them. If they want to stay I will take care of them the best that I can. Its no longer about me. Its about the only truth that we have. Love.

Some of my prayers:

1. God if they are a part of your plan then keep them close, If they are not a part of your plan please distance them.

2. God help me love others even when I don’t want to, help me stay in your loving spirit.

3. God I want the life that we have been talking about. if it is in your plan. I trust you, and know that if it is for me, there will be no confusion.

4. God help those that have hurt me become closer to you, help them walk with you, help them see what you and I see.

The power of choice

A couple weeks ago I ran into a old friend who I hadn’t seen in 10 years or so. He asked me how I was and in the moment I didn’t have an answer other then “I’ve been doing okay” It was later on a Saturday evening and I was expecting to run into anyone and have conversation. I had been missing my sons thinking of how much different things would be if I had them.

How was I to explain the last years of my life in a quick pass by? How could I explain that life is difficult and sometimes feels heavier then I can carry?

His response was brilliant and more enlightened then I was in the moment.

He said “You still have that warm loving heart?” I responded with yea I do.

He followed up with “If you still have that then, life is good isn’t it?”

That quick interaction was exactly what I needed. It was the reminder that I have a choice. I can choose how I see the world. I can choose love or I can choose suffering. Life has been testing me for a while now and quite frankly on the inside I have been losing. I have let the negative feelings and thoughts of others weigh heavy on my mind and soul. I have been trying to get love, understanding, and compassion from people that are unwilling or uncapable of doing so. Consciously I know that no matter what I do they will not change unless they want to. Unconsciously I think that time and space will change things. Every time I go back in hopes that something has changed I quickly realize that nothing has changed and that my efforts to repair, resolve, and reconnect are only pushing them farther away. I take this personally as I know my heart is in the right place. I had this belief that love conquers all. I still do but it’s a bit different these days. Now my belief is that love conquers all on an internal level.

You cant change things that are outside of you and wisdom is to know the difference. Knowing what is yours to carry and what is not, is something that I believe we all struggle with. This is why solitude is so important. If you don’t have the time or haven’t taken the time to spend time with yourself then how can you possibly know exactly who you are? What I’ve noticed is that the more time I spend with myself the more confident I am with myself. It’s a cycle of of building trust with myself that can easily deteriorate if I don’t take the time. I allowed others to get inside my head with their thoughts of who I am. In retrospect how in the world did I believe that someone else can know me better then I do? How can someone tell me what my actions and words mean when they haven’t asked? In a healthy relationship both people are allowed to be who they are. Both people are allowed to express themselves without fear of retaliation, judgement, or abandonment. Both people come to the table willing to listen to with compassion and understanding. If you find yourself in a situation where the other person or you yourself are not communicating from our natural state of love then what’s the point? Shame, guilt, blame, power will never be productive ways of living. We are here to love and be loved. The wisdom is knowing when you or the other person has lost sight of that one universal truth.

Take a moment to yourself and really examine your thought patterns. Are you moving towards love or pushing away from it? Are you connected with the truth of who you are or have you let the outside world influence that? When we first enter this world we love unconditionally. That is who we are and that is who we can be at any moment, you don’t have to wait on anything or anyone to give you permission. It exist in you right now and has been there from the moment you were conceived. You can continue to fight, push, pull, search for more or you can take the time to connect with your true nature and realize that everything you want is already inside of you. You have the choice in every moment to see the love inside of you and everyone around you or you can continue to let fear and uncertainty cast a shadow on your mind. For me personally I’m done with fear. I choose love. I hope you will too.

Gratitude

“With gratitude optimism is sustainable”

Michael J Fox

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and although I could have been in a negative mindset about my current situation. I made the choice to search for all that I am grateful for. I’ve found that the easiest road to go down is that of not having what I want or need. Your mind(ego) will naturally search for what isn’t. We are always looking for what we don’t have which takes us out of the present moment. When we take a step back and make the conscious choice to focus on what we do have, there is a perspective shift. It brings peace to your mind, body, and soul. If we look at our life with gratitude we can see that all we have ever wanted is here and now. That their is an abundance of joy, happiness and love that exist in us. It has always been there and will always be. It is unchanged and unchangeable. It’s so easy to get lost in taking everything personal. When we surrender to the universe is when we find divinity. The truth is that every thing that has happened to you or I has been for us. The number of variables that had to go your way to be reading this is unfathomable. To think that we have any sort of control in this would put us in gods position. It’s time to make the choice.

Surrender and enjoy the ride with gratitude or keep thinking about the things we don’t have?

On Giving up

When do you give up on someone or something?

This question is one that I do not ask myself enough. When I am passionate and believe in something I tend to cling on for hope even when all the signs are saying that I should not. You see, I am a dreamer and believer. I like to believe that if you are leading with love, anything is possible. The problem with this belief is that it doesn’t take into account the reality of the world. When it comes to anything that is outside of ourselves we ultimately have no control. Once we see this reality, the only thing we can do is choose what we will or will not pursue. Giving up on someone or something is not an easy task. There will always be positives and negatives. It’s time we start looking at the things that we are working towards and ask, is this what I truly want and believe in? What am I gaining or losing by staying around this person? Will this goal or achievement really make me happy or can I be happy without it? Am I trying too hard or not hard enough?

When it comes to making decisions like this its best that you figure out your truth. Talking to friends, a coach, and a therapist will help you gather more information. At the end of the day it will be up to you to decide what is best. How can you decide what is best if you don’t know who you are and what you believe in? Have you been open and honest with yourself? Is the goal worth pursuing? What can you do better? Is this filling your cup or depleting it? Is your worth dependent on this person or thing?

It would be silly to think that anyone or anything will make us happy but we do it all the time. When you sit back and look at the bigger picture we are on a rock that is circling a star in a universe that is mostly empty. Filling your heart and mind with gratitude for existence is the best way to see what truly matters. We are lucky to open our eyes every morning and live another day so don’t suffer thinking about things we want or what other people think. Its time we stopped always wanting more. Started using that energy to build yourself. All we need in life is to know ourselves, so that we can more easily navigate the outside world and the rest is extra.