These last couple weeks have been transformative to my worldview. I’ve been going to Church weekly and reading the Bible daily. I have to admit, I wish I would have done this sooner. I’ve been Spiritual these last couple years and it does not compare to learning from the scripture. Tales that have repeated for thousands of years.
The lesson that stands out to me most is that Jesus knew Judas was about to betray him. He knew what his fate was and the pain he was about to endure. And yet he greets him with a kiss and continues to serve Judas. That right there is Godly. That is purpose bigger than oneself. I’ve been marinating on this all week and have some thoughts.
Much like Jesus I have known that certain people were going to or actively betraying me. I also know this will happen again with others in the future. There is no getting around it, no matter how well you protect yourself. In the past I have begged, pleaded and confronted those that have betrayed me. Only to find that the more I asked for mercy the more they punished me or pretended that it wasn’t even happening. At the time it felt like my entire world was falling apart. That I was loosing touch with reality.
As I have grown closer to God I have realized that all of it was in his plan. He had to do that, to show me the way back home. He had to take everything from me so that I would lean into him and trust in his plan. This week has really changed a lot in me. I no longer fear abandonment. I no longer fear being hurt or let down by others. Its a part of life that I have been taking to personally. I’m sure that there is more pain in my future, and I am also sure that I can make it through anything as long as I keep walking with God. My belief is that I will love others no matter what. I will hold a safe and inviting space for them even if its to my detriment. Even when it hurts and they have wronged me. I will continue to love and serve those around me. If they want to leave I will let them. If they want to stay I will take care of them the best that I can. Its no longer about me. Its about the only truth that we have. Love.
Some of my prayers:
God if they are a part of your plan then keep them close, If they are not a part of your plan please distance them.
God help me love others even when I don’t want to, help me stay in your loving spirit.
God I want the life that we have been talking about. if it is in your plan. I trust you, and know that if it is for me, there will be no confusion.
God help those that have hurt me become closer to you, help them walk with you, help them see what you and I see.